Relationship Q&A Forum

This blog is unusual to all of the others. I'm always interested in giving advice, and accepting other peoples intake on their views of relationship advice. So I thought about doing a open forum where you can send in your questions (Anonymously), or join in the conversation on providing your best answers and feed back to a question I post. To this question below, I tried to keep the answers short. So of course it's not as detailed, but I hope to have covered some good main points. 

Feel free to join the conversation

Question:

Dear Ronald,

I am so scared to be in another relationship. I have been in past relationships with guys I thought were the one only to find out I’ve been used and mistreated. I have given up on so many things like my family and friends, and things that I like to do. How do I fix myself to not be scared and end up in the same mess?

Answer

Past relationships play an affective role on our mind causing us to not want to go back into that mess. But since we are so accustomed to it, often times we find ourselves getting into a relationship without ever knowing or thinking. Part of the reason is because of lies, the feeling of being wanted, and expectations. Have you been in a relationship where the guy controls you? Maybe he isn’t controlling you physically, but he can control you mentally.  Allow me to break it down in different categories…

                  Lies: Usually there are so many lies couples go through. But the lies I want to discuss are known to be called “broken promises”. Broken promises are simply lies that are usually said in the beginning, but after a break-up happens, it’s going to cause someone to think that everything that was said in the relationship were just lies. Once a break-up happens, we lose trust for that person. Other lies would include “you are the one and only”, “I love you”, and sometimes “we’ll make it work”…Don’t fall in the trap of  “words”

                  Lust: I will discuss this topic later in the future, but I want to say this very briefly. Often times, we get attached to that person very deeply if we have sexual contact with another person. Sex is so powerful, it makes the male/female to think (s)he is the one. Watch out for being caught up in the trap.  If this has been or is a goal, you have been placed as a tool.

                  Strength: no matter what you have been through or where you go, people are watching your every move. Everyone has at least one person “secretly” watching your every move and you don’t even realize it. With that said, when people judge you, they try to look at how weak you are as a person. Because people will see how vulnerable you are, they will take it as a weakness to mess with.

Those three categories is something that we must be smart about. Learn to become stronger by changing the way you think. First, get rid of the past relationships. Past relationships are sometimes past mistakes that we must learn from. The stuff that you didn’t do that you should have done, or the stuff that you did do but should not have done. Remind yourself to not be negative. Become stronger by making sacrifices with yourself. If you want things to change, you must change something within you in order to see new results.

2. Don’t ever give up on the things that you like to do. Sure we make sacrifices for the relationship, but being in a relationship should also be about having fun and doing fun stuff with friends and family together. Balance things out in what to do.

3. Dear ladies, before you “fall” in love with another guy, ask yourself questions and continue to ask the guy questions. You want to “fully” get to know him before saying yes or no. You want to see if he can fulfill his promises and duties by showing repetitive examples. If he can show you(more than once), then he’s a good match. If he says he can do something, give it time and let him prove it. 

4.Does the guy respect himself first? Does he respect his family? If he can respect himself, his family, and others around you, he can surely respect you. If he is a whole different person-Leave and do not be afraid to be bold. Remember you are stronger than what you are worth. There are times where you have to be quick on picking up things that may seem out of place. If you really feel like you’re being controlled, leave. If you are tired of “trying” to work things out and sick of “his” mess, leave.  

Don’t ever be afraid, always be smart.