Jumping into conclusions of Relationships and Break-ups

            I remember back in my teenage years where I had a crush on a female, or perhaps females, since I had more than one crush during the time period, and I thought to myself, will I ever have a chance with her? I always thought I would pull it off, slowly but surely. Getting to know them, writing notes, and engage personally. However, in those years, you had to get inside of their mind. You had to study their actions within the school, outside the school and even who they would hang out with. In those days, there wasn’t social media. Sure there was Windows Live, Bebo, Xanga, Flickr, Yahoo Messenger and MSN, but we rarely ever saw their “Personal life” on the internet. A lot of the time, it would be Just photos, thoughts and interests. Before Facebook came out, there was MySpace. I wasn’t even allowed to have a MySpace page, but I snuck and got one anyway. However, with MySpace, you would see so much. It was like entering in the world of a person’s diary. Statuses, Pictures, Conversations, and even their mood. 

            At one point of time, I had a crush on a girl name Kaitlyn. If I was ever on MySpace, I would often find myself scrolling down my message feed and out of nowhere, I would see Kaitlyn constantly change her mood from hopeful to heart-broken. From heart-broken, to worried. Then, I would see her write statuses such as, “How can you crush a girl’s heart that is so delicate?”. When I saw that, I knew for fact that she was having relationship issues. So what did I do? I messaged her. I asked “Are you doing alright? Are you okay?”. She would write back in a message so vague “I’m doing fine, thank you. How are you?”. So when I saw that, I was like, “I understand that you’re having relationship issues, but just to let you know, I’m already here if you need anything.” Then, she would write back saying “Thanks!”

            Usually, our conversations were extremely vague. She wouldn’t open up to anyone (Me), unless it was her close friends. But I can tell you where my mistake came from. A week before this whole issue, I had written her a note saying how talented, beautiful and how nice she was as a person. Then, I went into writing about asking her to the homecoming dance. I gave her the note the night of a Friday night football game. Never heard from her until the next day and I can tell she had shared it to her friends. Anyway, she wrote back saying “It was nice. But I’m already going to the dance with Alex.”

            I wasn’t too heartbroken, but as that week went on, I just kept seeing relationship drama all on my MySpace. Not drama as in arguing, but drama as in depressing statuses. So here I am thinking to myself, “HELLO!!! DO YOU NOT SEE ME?” I was trying hard to win her love, but to win her sense of connection and understanding. Anyways, the relationship had ended. I said YES!!! Now is my chance. Come to find out, it was an off and on relationship type deal. That’s when I said….”Screw it. I’m moving on”. Eventually, as time has moved forward, I began to realize many lessons in the “Relationship World”. Even with crushes after Kaitlyn, I still had the problem of jumping into conclusion after a break-up happens.

            One of the things we forget about is Time. When a break-up happens, that person needs time to heal. We can’t just think that once a break-up happens, doesn’t mean they have not healed from a broken heart. Especially, if it was a relationship that lasted at least 3 years.

            Two, Keep Life and Social Media separate from the truth. Just because two people are going out, doesn’t mean they HAVE to show their relationship to the public. Yes it’s nice to let people know that they’re in a relationship, but to have a million statuses about their partner and pictures could sometimes go overboard. With that in mind, we also assume that just because couples doesn’t have their profile pictures set to where their partners aren’t in it, doesn’t mean they are single. Just because their relationship status isn’t “Facebook Official” doesn’t mean that the person is single too. We have to agree that couples do things differently and sometimes they don’t want to bother about putting too much personal relationship business on the web for people to see.  We can’t based are assumptions over social media. There are numerous people that I know who have been in great relationships, but choose not to expose it over the web.

            Three, going back to when I said the person needs to heal, we have to understand that we don’t know how the last person has effected their personal life.  Sometimes when we fall for someone, we forget how much THEIR ex has made an impact on their life. Usually past relationships can create an impact whether you want to build from it, or break away. Nowadays, if I ever have a crush on someone who is in a relationship, and I had found out that they went through a break-up, my job would to not jump in and get a chance, but rather let them reevaluate their past relationship. Why didn’t it work? Is it too late to fix it? Because, their focus is to figure out what they know was right for them. Can they move forward, or will they give up? Perhaps they potentially saw a marriage happening. You just never know what thoughts are going through their mind after a break-up. Personally, I think one of the biggest fears when falling for someone is, if you do get a chance of becoming the NEXT person in line, will they still love their ex? And quite frankly, my job isn’t about being the next guy in line, but to simply make sure that the female will never give up on Life, Love and herself. Even if I was to be her “Next”, I think things from the past and present will conflict a lot of emotions.

 Ronald Atkinson

Making "Relationship" Investments.

I often tell my readers, listeners, friends, and followers, to begin making investments when finding a partner.  There are two ways to make investments, and that’s mentally and socially.

Mentally: The Art of Investing in others begins in the mind. Before you engage yourself to someone, you begin to think. When you’re thinking, you’re not finding if they’re dateable, but if they have the potential to be the person you have been looking for. In other terms, personality and looks. With that in mind, you’re not fully being in that person’s presence, but you are still at a place in which you can notice them from a distance. Such as, you see that person every single day at the coffee shop, or you begin to pick up personality traits in what he/she does. Either way, your mental thoughts are often up to your judgment. You make the call. Now don’t put things to the test yet. Don’t call it quits. You’re still wondering about that person. You are still trying to want to know more about this person.

How unique are they?

What is it about that person that makes them do such and such?

Perhaps something you see will spark an interest.

Now it’s time to put things up to the test.

Socially Investing: This is where all of your mental notes come in affect. You don’t want to spill the beans just yet, but you also want to come into a conclusion with your thoughts. This is where you want to talk to that person. This is the time where you engage in a conversation, “The Getting to know you phase”. You now have a choice to find the answers that you always wanted to know more about, from this person. Don’t pressure yourself. You’re not trying to start a romantic date yet, but you are still wanting to get to know that person beyond what the eyes can see. This is where you use your eyes, ears, mouth, nose, and touch. Be around that person not just to talk, but to see how he acts in the real world.

Investing in others is all about using your best judgment in order to find your match. Match in a relationship? Not always, but perhaps a match of similar personalities. What is it that the other person has, that might be something you’ve always wanted? You never know.

             If that person plays hard to get, you have to ask yourself “If I really want this person, how will I step my game up?”

            What’s the price you have to pay in the future?

Start making those investments. Start getting along with others so that other interested people can see your personality, and love you for who you are.

Morning Thoughts: Dealing With Negativity.

In my last blog, I talked about Encouragement. As of 7:00am, Monday Morning, I woke up this morning still feeling angry at some things. As I looked about the sun shining through my window, I realized that it was a brand new day. As I went about on my morning blogging routine, I took one look into my e-mail inbox and noticed the e-mails that contained “negativity”. What exactly did I do? Simple deleted them so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. Why is that? Because, any negativity that comes towards you, will simply become a part of you. When it’s a part of you, it will consume you to bring it down even more.  So I took my one step out of bed, prayed a “Prayer for Guidance” In which Joyce Meyer wrote on her Facebook…

           

            "Holy Spirit, come dwell in me fully and completely. I know that I cannot change things on my own. I'm open and sensitive to Your promptings and sincerely invite You to get involved in every area of my life. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for comforting me, strengthening me, counseling me, standing by me and helping me with everything that I face and go through. I want you to be my chief Counselor, my main Teacher. I want You to lead me and guide me. I allow You to take charge and remain with me forever. Amen."

After that was said and done, I prayed for others out of encouragement and love. Simply because as Christians, it’s the right thing to do. After I came back from my first class, I thought about all of the other people who don’t have a “Faithful” connection. What did I do? I simply prayed for them. Then I thought to myself, if you continue to dwell on the negative, you will receive negative results. If others who persecute you continue to think negative about you, they will get negative results.

What I’m trying to say is this, “Negativity” is like e-mail. Remove and delete the junk, or else, it will control your mind, body, and spirit. Continue to pray for guidance, healing, and comfort, and always remember that you’re a conquer with the anointing of the most high God.  Negative is like one small single cell. If you dwell on that tiny cell, it will just continue to grow. Once it grows, you will feed from it. With that said, it will keep you from finding the positive cells in the situation that you’re in. Always find the smallest positive cell, grow from it, encourage it, and use your FAITH, to expect the positive outcomes.

Amen, and God Bless!!

Ronald Atkinson

Night thoughts: Encouragement and Judgmental Correction

We all have the need to be "Perfect". We all feel that we have to live up to other's expectations of perfection. Regardless of time, effort, practices, and so on, we all work hard at something. But no matter how hard we work, we can still be beaten down as if, we're not good enough. What ever happened to encouragement? Too often, we either find ourselves judgmental, or surround ourselves who are very judgmental. In order to increase encouragement so that we can strive for a positive outcome, it all has to do it with love. If we encourage more, it will build them up. If we judge, yet hammer others out of correction, it will bring them down. And with that, you will not receive the perfection you need. There's a difference between "Encouragement" and "Judgmental correction", and it all has to deal with Love, and faith. 



Goodnight, and May God Bless You.

Trust & Loyalty

I don’t know why men get overly upset when they see their girl socially talking to someone else. But then again, it goes for women. Women don’t like it when their man is caught seen with other ladies talking to them, or at least to where ladies are flirting with him.

I felt the need to write this blog to set something straight. Last week on Friday night, I was in Aggieville for the first time since May. Apparently, I like to go to hang out, chill, and enjoy myself with friends. I don’t go to get wasted, and I definitely don’t go just to pick me up a chick. Anyways, I walked inside of one of the bars just right about thirty minutes to closing time, and my friends just sat and chilled. While they ordered their drinks, they decided to go out and get something to eat. With the Varsity Truck in the back Alley, and a Pita Pit down the block, they dispersed, I stayed. While I was staying, I had a small conversation with a female sitting next to me. We were talking about something, and she decided to ask questions about the topic she was talking about.  Anyway, at no point was I flirting, or even THINKING about this girl during the moment. To be honest, I was more engaged in the conversation. However, this other random guy seemed to be upset when we were talking. With that said, he said, “sir, I’m going to need you leave, and you [the girl] sit over there”. Okay, I can understand that it was closing time, and you needed to get some work done, but if you’re upset and didn’t want me talking to her, you could’ve said so. Respectfully, I just walked out without putting up a fight. Now to be honest, I don’t know if that was her boyfriend, brother, cousin, whoever it was, I can assure you that knowing how Aggieville can be, sometimes you just have to protect those you know from strangers. But this blog isn’t about the situation, but more so on the words “Loyalty” and “Trust”.

Ladies and Gentlemen, know that each and everyone of you is a unique individual. As human beings, we will always have those who are “interested” in us. We will always have fans, friends, and of course anyone who will come into our lives. The problem is, we let jealousy get the best of us. When we go out with someone, we feel the entitlement of keeping that person guarded from being free into his/her own world. Yes, we have the urge to tell them what they can, or cannot do. We also have a say to make up all these rules. Anyhow, often times, we don’t like to see our loved ones talking to others, flirting, or at least be somewhere when we are not present. We also don’t like to see our partners text anyone else in their phone, like pictures, comment on their tweets, photos, etc.. so we feel the need to monitor them. Technically, my girl could be hiding secrets from me that I DON’T know about, but here’s where it comes down to.

A Relationship is built on “Trust”. If you begin your relationship, you’re committing to trust each other at every step, every second, and in every way in life.  I’m not that type of guy that’s going to monitor my girl, or interfere with who she lets enter in her life, talks to at a hang out place, or whatever…I will not get super defensive in fighting someone just because that person thinks she’s beautiful. All I’m saying is, it’s something that we have to deal with everyday. But my focus isn’t that person, or the situation. Instead, my focus is on the girl who I am with. Yes, there could be others who are beyond greater than I am and perhaps trying to get with them, but if my girl can standup for herself, and resist temptation of flirting with other people, and even perhaps stop the situation, that’s all that matters. It’s the ultimate test of how us men should look at. If she can fight for herself, and say “sorry, I have a man”, or “ Excuse me, but I am beautiful only for my man”, then obviously, she passed the test.

I didn’t write the the meat of the blog, because there’s many things that can happen in any situation, but all I’m saying is, Trust is within your partner. If you can Trust them that they will be loyal to their self, and you, then perhaps, you can take the worry off your shoulders. Relax, go out, have fun. To be honest, if anyone tries to talk to your partner, or seems interested in them, take into consideration that you have someone great by your side.

Life is full of temptations, so the best way to fight them off, is you. Anyone else can only peer pressure you to do something.

Ronald Atkinson

Our Past is Present: School, Memories, and Giving Back for our future generations.

Junction City, Kansas, is a town that I can literally write a book, or perhaps even stories that will be centered in this town. Not only stories, but stories through music. As I am constantly writing new thoughts and ideas, a lot of times, I have to sit back after going through a full nostalgic attack on many things. Whether it’s my life of experiences, or the memories others created, this time, I had to think… With all of the music and writing projects I have created in the past that has to do with this town (in which they are not published/finished material yet), I thought about one thing…. I remember a lady once told my mother, “this is God’s country, and it hasn’t been struck down”. Have you ever noticed the fact how tornadoes would touch down Geary County, but they never fully destroyed us? I understand the old Native American legend about the two rivers, but seriously, has it ever occur to you that there is some sort of “magic” in this town? What is it really? What I find extremely interesting, is the fact how there are people who are drawn to this town from surrounding areas/counties who not only work, but actually HELP and give back to the community.  With us being the home to Fort Riley, even Fort Riley gives back in so many ways. People from Manhattan, Wamego, and other places give back for much support.

Junction City High School was a dear place in my heart, and with all of the greatest memories my friends and I had in that school, we all had dreams to be somebody, and we all had dreams to go somewhere. We all had teachers that impacted us through the good times, bad times, and even if they were bad, we still look back and say, I wish I could go back to repeat it.  We say it not because it was high school and things were easy at the time, but there’s something about that magic in which we all felt connected to one another. We all had our best of times, and worst of times. We have grown up with some great elementary school memories, middle school memories, and even community memories. Some of the people who live here will often say something negative about this town, and some people end up leaving this town. However, when I sat back in my chair the other day, I thought about who graduated, left, or is living their life. But I also realized how once we departed this town after graduating, or anything else, we always end up wanting to come back. We also end up staying in this town for some odd reason. The more people who try to deny wanting to live here, the more some how they end up right back here. What draws us to this town? What makes us stay? What makes outside people from other communities give back to continue building on the rich traditions and legacies that were once started by the community founders?  

If the community can help us grow, we can help it grow by giving back. I always think to myself, if we are to come back, how can we lead for the next generation? If we are to grow, who’s going to be the next mayor, teacher, commissioner, historian, or any other leader who has an impact?  We all have a part in this town, we all have many stories and memories. Like I always said, many people don’t understand it, but if there ever came a time in which we had filmed a movie of our years in school, this town, or anything, it would be a fantastic experience to do. I wouldn’t mind if the director said, okay I want everyone who taught at the school from 2007-2011, and has graduated from those classes, come back to participate in a Hollywood movie. I bet you 100%, if that was to ever happen, not only will everyone feel the memories and bondage like family waiting to happen, but the “magic” in where you came from. By the time you look at it, you’ll know that it will be a moment to relive those glory days.

…..Oh don’t worry, I didn’t stop right there…..I have a lot more stories and wisdom to share with you.

…..No wonder why Senior year felt like a movie…..

…..More stories to come…..You may not understand it now, but I’m telling it the best I can.