Attached By Falling In Love: Character, Truth, and Lust

Often times we catch ourselves having feelings for someone. In a lot of cases, it’s normal…It will happen to us regardless, but we have to be super careful about what we truly want, what is reality showing to us, and who we open our hearts to. Like I said before, this is mainly a “phase” if your feelings are short-term. We as humans must understand three things to look at when we “fall in love”- Character, Truth, and Lust.

Character: Anytime you meet someone new for the first time, their character is being shown off to you in ways of how they act, and how they conduct themselves as a person. What is it that you see in a person? What traits do they associate themselves with? How do they not only treat themselves, but how often to they treat and respect others? You have to ask yourself simple questions like that. Their character may match up to your potential likeliness of what you see in a person. Recognize not just their outer character but their inner character. Do they have a heart for others? Are they two faced? Many times we often judge others of what we see versus simply talking and sharing our true character. Sometimes when getting to know their character, it may take a journey to the past.

Truth: Character ties into truth by a couple things

·      Being truthful to you

·      Being truthful to themselves

Sometimes when we get into relationships that person isn’t always who they say they are. Why? Because in the beginning stages, we hear, act, see, and speak the things that the other person wants to hear or vice versa. We build so much momentum that sometimes it wares off and we are simply left thinking “you’re not the person who I thought you were”. Look at how truthful are they to themselves… When they speak something, do they really mean it? In this stage, we must not only listen and speak, but we must analyze if that person is showing the actions. When you speak, understand that your word IS your word. A promise is a promise that can’t be broken. 

Lust: This is perhaps one of the most controversial subjects to speak on, so I will try to be brief before my next Blog series…. We all get carried away when we see others who look sophisticated. We either talk to that person to hook-up, or we slowly get intrigued with our sexual desires. Either or we get attached to someone because we see the physical beauty of them. Some people actually think that the moment you have sex with someone, they’re automatically “The ONE”. Hate to break it to you, but truthfully they’re only the one in your fantasy dreams. Because a person looks good can also mean that they are hiding their-CHARACTER, which in fact isn’t portraying THE TRUTH.

Be careful in who you find yourself attracted to in the very beginning stages of the relationship. You have to do some analyzing and talking with yourself and that person to see if they’re living the traits you would see for a great relationship. 

In order to find our if someone is your truest companion or “potential”, take out a sheet of paper, write down your traits of what you see in someone (anybody), then whoever you’re attracted to, write down their traits and qualifications of that person. Long sentence short-if it matches, it’s great… But don’t forget to analyze and not just listen.

@RonaldAtkinson9

Love on the Two Way Scale

Sometimes the things you seek in a relationship are often sought in the people you care for the least. What exactly does that truly mean? In my opinion it means that we want certain aspects and values of a perfect relationship, but we seek them in the people who doesn’t always cherish them. Or perhaps, we push those who do cherish them to the side, but we’re not satisfied with that person’s looks. How do I rephrase this on a short note? The way us humans view love is like looking at a scale. We take the scale alone and compare two things, Looks and Values. When we weight the scale, we first look and think about the beauty, outer appearances, and higher status. We like to add more on the looks with all of these wishes that will fulfill our “desires”. As we have more weight on the “Physicality side”, the scale is unbalanced. At first things may seem great in the beginning, but we get upset because the relationship is uneven. It’s uneven because there are less values’ in the relationship. Less values= less morals, no goals, no compatibility, no passion, no loyalty, no niceness, no faith, and many more things that define a person’s character and a relationship as a whole.  So now what? We do things that are right, yet we still look at our comfort zone.

Second Relationship: Making Adjustments

Now we have to make changes in re-adjusting the scale (New Relationship)… This is where we do more thinking but a slight less at analyzing and calculating the math. We will add, take away, multiply, and divide things that are right until we find a common balance. We say to ourselves “I want someone who’s this and that”, and now we add more to values yet there is still a slight more weight on looks. (In other words, we still more importantly care about looks). This is sort of the second try in a new relationship. We’re smart at fixing things and making our mistakes, but some things still may not add up. In other words, look at the scale…. It’s balancing but it’s still not stable in a rest position. That only shows that things are going okay, but it’s still uneven. So let’s say the relationship didn’t work out and it’s back to the drawing board.

Third Relationship: Thinking, Analyzing, and Reflecting

Now we really have to think (This is where we make things a lot harder than it is and give up on “Relationships”)…. If you’re thinking correctly, take everything off the scale (Everything that your mind wishes in a person), and start by balancing fifty-fifty beginning with “Values” and “Looks” vice versa. Little by little, think and add more values in what YOU want to see in another person. Forget what looks are because that comes second. Values are important, and to make it equal understand that if you have a good balance of values, then you can adjust to the looks on your own. Eventually it will all add up to a stable, potential, and stronger relationship. Understand that yes Beauty on the outside is what we perceive first, but if you begin with values, the true beauty will eventually be shown.  That’s when you accept someone as a whole in true love. Because someone has the looks, money, or status doesn’t mean they don’t have the values that represent their character.

@RonaldAtkinson9 

The Five Phases of a College Student

Before I begin what I’m writing, I want to let you know that every student who lives the college lifestyle is different. I’m speaking from a traditional college student’s point of view (In other words, it’s the traditional college life style almost a majority of students will go through). Originally, I was going to tie this in with a “book”, but since there were many requests, I’ve shortened it down to write a simple blog without using any type of advice and stories.

There are five phases of a traditional college student….Keep in mind, every student is different, and it doesn’t apply to everyone.

Phase 1: The Pre-Game Phase.
Phase 2: The Party Phase.

Phase 3: The Average Student Phase.

Phase 4: The Semi-Professional Phase.

Phase 5: The Grad Phase.

Phase One: The Pre-Game Phase is where you don’t know much about the college life…YET.  This is where you’re either a senior in high school or perhaps you have just graduated high school. But either or, you should have gotten accepted into the college, or at least  familiar with the college you are about to attend. You fill out your scholarships, you fill out your tuition affairs, you looked at everything that they have to offer. By the time you’re still  in high school, you are expected to do some sort of informal or formal college visit.

Informal College visit: Come on your own as you please. Walk around to become familiar with the campus.

Formal: Appointment set up with a college representative. Meet with the president, vice-president, college dean, and your “major” professors.

So now what? Well by the time summer comes around, you’re excited about leaving your parents. You begin orientation, you attend traditions camp, summer fun warm-up, and of course you have to take that alcohol-EDU.  As a student, you “think” college is just like the movies show. Well…..it kind-of is, but not to much. Some men and woman will utilize this time to figure out what they want to do in college as far as what you want to study. You also look at whether you want to get involved in social clubs, organizations, and Greek organizations. You don’t know much except what people tell until you actually move in on move in day. Welcome to college!! By the time you become a freshman, you’re going to think you will be a big shot….Don’t get your hopes up for that.

Phase Two: The Party Phase is what all college students will be experiencing. This is the stuff most college beginners look forward to (Thanks to the movies). As a student, you’re finally settled in. Some of you have survived band camp, cheer camp, summer sports training, Rush week, and a lot more. You kissed your parents goodbye and now this is where your “grown” status comes into play.  You begin your week as a college freshman and here you are seeing everyone dressed to impressed. Campus is filled with so many great people. You love your professors, you start your first year off very well, and then eventually comes the first weekend of your college career. There are two things that matters the most on Saturdays…Football and Parties. To me, Saturdays can be most overwhelming due to the amount of activity that goes on but will eventually drain all of your energy at the game. Of course, school itself can also drain your energy.  I like to think of parties as a “stress reliever” with friends.  Party goers will go and wander the streets especially since many freshman don’t drive just yet due to living on campus. Party goers will always find someway to crash a party and meet random people. This is the phase where you will meet random people, and perhaps may hook-up with someone….It’s all fun and games, but just be careful at what you get into. Those who are Greek, most of them will actually party every weekend regardless. Because parents aren’t around, alcohol consumption is on the rise. By the time sophomore year comes around, you’re used to it all and it’s not new. However, you are more aware of the environment. The party phase is not just about partying, but it’s the lifestyle of being new to everything that’s around. We get the freedom to do as we want (until something bad happens). This is also where as students, we’re taking the gen-eds. These become the easy and semi-easy classes. We study, we mingle, we have fun. Keep in mind, education is important…. This is only the beginning.

Phase Three: The Average Student Phase is where we tend to focus more so on our education due to the fact our classes have become somewhat challenging. The moment we realize our classes have become challenging is the moment we decide to switch our major. Yeah, it’s normal in this stage….This usually happens within the later part of your sophomore year but it actually starts within the first semester of your junior year. However, the major switch doesn’t necessarily happen until sophomore year. Anyway, this stage is where we are destined to do well in school. We throw aside our party shenanigans and save it for the weekend. This phase isn’t as much fun as your first two phases for some similar reasons

1.     Harder Classes so now you know to get it in gear

2.     Not having the dorm life/student experience

3.     You’re tied down with someone so you decide to chill a lot

4.     Your old buddies you met at the beginning of college will slowly fade apart.

5.     Nothing is new

Do you still go out and party? Oh yeah!! but just not as much. Overall, you can still have a social life, but keep in mind your reputation is slowly but surely starting to take affect.

Phase Four: The Semi-Professional phase happens in your junior year….Just like the last phase, it will slowly tie into this phase. This is the phase where you start becoming that student who is involved and looking at professional resources towards your major, job, life, or perhaps internships. You’re in the phase of being the next “business person”. You’re starting to create a name for yourself in establishing who you are, and what’s your purpose in college. You can still get involved with so much to do. I on the other hand LOVE talking and communicating with students, so I get involved working with many committees. In this phase, you perhaps have taken on a leadership role somewhere in this part of your college career.

Phase Five: The Graduate Phase is basically your end phase of your college career. The stuff that applied in Phase Four is now being geared towards this phase right here. Kiss your social life goodbye… Everything about college is long gone. Your main focus is not only about graduating, but about life. What have you learned throughout your four-five years of college? What habits left you, and what habits stuck with you? What are the things that changed you to this point? Remember this phase isn’t just about graduating, or “age”, but who you are as a person. College is full of experiences that will teach you lessons along the way. So in other words, what was taught then will be applied now. Whatever you’re doing in this phase, keep in mind that your maturity level is set in. Some perhaps look at going into Grad school, and others it all depends on them. In other words, congratulations…. You have made it through the phases.  This phase is where you may have found “The One” as well.

So what does this blog have to do with anything? All I can say is that college is meant to teach you certain life lessons. It will be thrown at you like a baseball, so you just have to be ready at all times.  There will be moments in which you will be happy, there will be moments in which you will cry, and there will also be moments in which you may not succeed at everything you do. Have fun, but NEVER slack off at anything you do. Everyday, every class, and every moment you must always work your best to apply it towards the end. If you don’t, you will be left in the trail, so now you have work twice as hard to keep pushing. You’re at the point to where the real world will come, and it’s also known as the working world. Some of you will have jobs, some careers, and with college, you’re making a name for yourself. Don’t do anything dumb that will jeopardize you as a person. Remember people are ALWAYS judging you. Jobs people are watching you. I’ll leave this where it is for now. In the mean time, I’m not going to go in any detail on further information. Students, do your absolute best in college.

@RonaldAtkinson9

Attachment: How to avoid being super attached.

Love is a beautiful thing, and so are the people within the relationship. But here is always my one issue…Getting extremely attached to someone in the first phase. Now I understand that it’s okay to get attached to someone when you first meet and fall in love, but this is more to the people who perhaps have gotten a lack of attention in their past.  Suppose you [ladies] have had many boyfriends in your past time, and each one you had was never exactly how you thought it was going to be. However, the stuff that you said to him was always the same.  In the beginning he’s the most sweetest person you ever met.  In the beginning you started to believe his words in which they may have been lies [in the future]. In the beginning you thought the relationship will go somewhere. In the beginning you were showered by gifts, moving too fast, calling each other names, and spent more time than you possibly could. But as things moved forward, you started to ease your way from him. Missing him more and more on lonely nights. Everything reminds you of him…. Now shifting from the typical relationship phases and in comes the worst part of ourselves, CLINGYNESS and OBSESSION. Everything starts from that one person who was “nice” to us, making that effort to talk to us without trying, and immediately pop goes the relationship and feelings. 

When I spend time talking to others about relationships, or when I give advice, a lot of the times people would say the reason why they always feel alone, and isolated from the world, and the people around them, is because of lack attention. But when someone does get close around us, we quickly jump on the obsession, clingy, and attachment boat, which may cause the people around us to push us away. Where in result, we feel isolated and not bother talking or hanging out with others. With that problem comes to the fact of not having many friends, boyfriends, or girl friends around, so we don’t bother “trying” to find other people to hang with, or talk to.  Now for you ladies, one of the problems I hear the most is perhaps the relationship goes along great, but you feel sad whenever he leaves home, or hangs out with his other friends. Perhaps you also get upset when you see or feel your man getting sick of your presence, doesn’t bother keeping you first, or not getting intimate in bed. That’s where the anxious and frustration part comes around because you’re not by his side, so you feel isolated and left with a lot of emotion. 

Attachment all depends on your past. It depends who gave you the attention, or the lack of attention in which you try to seek now. My advice to you is to not get so easily attached to others around you because it’s going to leave you more hurt in the end, and much more of a psycho person with emotional issues. If you are not easily attached, that’s great…. But put yourself in those shoes… It’s bad and unhealthy if you really look at it. You really have to broaden out your circle so that you get an even balance of love. For those couples (or perhaps that one partner), I would recommend try to help things out by being apart for a few days, and perhaps even go without talking to each other. You really don’t have to see or depend on each other every single day. Time apart in a relationship is always healthy.  From time to time, allow that therapy to work things together. Absence makes the heart grow strong.  Men, understand that it’s great to shower her with gifts, but understand diamonds is not always a key to every woman’s heart. Ladies, get your self to be independent. Spend time with other friends, or get involved so you’re not always sad or thinking too much on your partner. Understand that you have perhaps your entire life to see each other, and to perhaps be with each other. Learn to adjust to many changes in life. If you find yourself getting very attached in the beginning, it’s going to leave you hurt in the end. Also, it’s important to understand what is fantasy, and what is reality. What is Love, and what is not. What is real, and what is fiction.

In Reference to this post, refer back to my previous blog : Dealing With Clingy Relationships

Twitter: @RonaldAtkinson9