At one
point of time, I had a crush on a girl name Kaitlyn. If I was ever on MySpace,
I would often find myself scrolling down my message feed and out of nowhere, I
would see Kaitlyn constantly change her mood from hopeful to heart-broken. From
heart-broken, to worried. Then, I would see her write statuses such as, “How can
you crush a girl’s heart that is so delicate?”. When I saw that, I knew for
fact that she was having relationship issues. So what did I do? I messaged her.
I asked “Are you doing alright? Are you okay?”. She would write back in a
message so vague “I’m doing fine, thank you. How are you?”. So when I saw that,
I was like, “I understand that you’re having relationship issues, but just to
let you know, I’m already here if you need anything.” Then, she would write
back saying “Thanks!”
Usually,
our conversations were extremely vague. She wouldn’t open up to anyone (Me),
unless it was her close friends. But I can tell you where my mistake came from.
A week before this whole issue, I had written her a note saying how talented,
beautiful and how nice she was as a person. Then, I went into writing about
asking her to the homecoming dance. I gave her the note the night of a Friday
night football game. Never heard from her until the next day and I can tell she
had shared it to her friends. Anyway, she wrote back saying “It was nice. But
I’m already going to the dance with Alex.”
I wasn’t
too heartbroken, but as that week went on, I just kept seeing relationship
drama all on my MySpace. Not drama as in arguing, but drama as in depressing
statuses. So here I am thinking to myself, “HELLO!!! DO YOU NOT SEE ME?” I was
trying hard to win her love, but to win her sense of connection and
understanding. Anyways, the relationship had ended. I said YES!!! Now is my
chance. Come to find out, it was an off and on relationship type deal. That’s
when I said….”Screw it. I’m moving on”. Eventually, as time has moved forward,
I began to realize many lessons in the “Relationship World”. Even with crushes
after Kaitlyn, I still had the problem of jumping into conclusion after a break-up
happens.
One of the
things we forget about is Time. When a
break-up happens, that person needs time to heal. We can’t just think that
once a break-up happens, doesn’t mean they have not healed from a broken heart.
Especially, if it was a relationship that lasted at least 3 years.
Two, Keep Life and Social Media separate from
the truth. Just because two people are going out, doesn’t mean they HAVE to
show their relationship to the public. Yes it’s nice to let people know that
they’re in a relationship, but to have a million statuses about their partner
and pictures could sometimes go overboard. With that in mind, we also assume
that just because couples doesn’t have their profile pictures set to where
their partners aren’t in it, doesn’t mean they are single. Just because their
relationship status isn’t “Facebook Official” doesn’t mean that the person is
single too. We have to agree that couples do things differently and sometimes
they don’t want to bother about putting too much personal relationship business
on the web for people to see. We can’t
based are assumptions over social media. There are numerous people that I know
who have been in great relationships, but choose not to expose it over the web.
Three,
going back to when I said the person needs to heal, we have to understand that
we don’t know how the last person has effected their personal life. Sometimes when we fall for someone, we forget
how much THEIR ex has made an impact on their life. Usually past relationships
can create an impact whether you want to build from it, or break away.
Nowadays, if I ever have a crush on someone who is in a relationship, and I had
found out that they went through a break-up, my job would to not jump in and
get a chance, but rather let them reevaluate their past relationship. Why
didn’t it work? Is it too late to fix it? Because, their focus is to figure out
what they know was right for them. Can they move forward, or will they give up?
Perhaps they potentially saw a marriage happening. You just never know what
thoughts are going through their mind after a break-up. Personally, I think one
of the biggest fears when falling for someone is, if you do get a chance of
becoming the NEXT person in line, will they still love their ex? And quite
frankly, my job isn’t about being the next guy in line, but to simply make sure
that the female will never give up on Life, Love and herself. Even if I was to
be her “Next”, I think things from the past and present will conflict a lot of
emotions.
