From a male’s point of view, I can tell you that being stuck
in the friend zone is every guy’s (and girl’s) worst enemy of a partnership. I
can tell you that I know the struggles and hardships of it because I once had a
crush on a very beautiful girl back in my young years, but eventually as time
continued to move forward, I realized that it wasn’t “just” me who witnessed
this but it was actually a “thing” called “The Friend Zone”. I once watched movies such as Forest Gump,
Just Friends, various shows that often depict similar scenarios of what I went
through. Not only watched them, but also hearing other people’s stories. So as
time continued to move forward, I noticed that there were some flaws within
myself that I had to recognize.
1.
Being Too
Nice: This is one thing that I found out in middle school that every person
you meet is not going to be attracted to “niceness”. Sometimes, it may make the
person you want feel awkward. Now me for being a nice guy, I break the barrier
just a little bit. I sometimes add a sense of humor in my actions and words,
but I also tend to be serious when necessary. When you’re a friend to someone,
you’re being “Friendly”, and that’s how the other person will see you as “just
a friend”. Does that mean everyone will see you as just a friend? Absolutely
not. But it also means to broaden out to other people who are attracted to you.
There will always be someone attracted to your niceness. It’s just at a young
age most people never experienced getting hurt until someone who is nice enough
shows up in their lives. Another thing you must look at, is the fact that not
everyone who appears to be too nice will prove that they are. Sometimes it
could be a cover up. Sometimes within this stage, expressing your interest
without ruining a friendship is capable but it can cause damage. It’s great to
be nice, but be nice to those [who are interested in you] who can share that
mutual feeling.
2.
Being Too
Needy: If you are younger than age 20, you do not need to fret over having
a boyfriend or girlfriend. One, you have your entire life ahead of you. I’m not
saying to NOT have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you must think about the
relationship (and taking it to the next level) in broader terms. Most people
around this stage feel the need of being wanted, so they look and sometimes
sound desperate. Being very needy like you need to be nurtured by someone’s
affection sounds that you are desperate. If you sound desperate, you’re gaining
attention of desperation. Nobody wants a desperate needy person. It’s an
attention killer. You’re also trying to rush things in which you definitely
don’t want to do. So now what? Relax, let your actions speak on it’s own, and
don’t always assume that he/she is the only person you’ll meet.
3.
Being Too
Pressuring: Have you actually looked in your past and realized that you
kept pressuring that person to go out with you? It’s similar to being needy.
However, when you’re pressuring the other person, you’re also pressuring
yourself. You’re pressuring your mind and body with new ideas on how to change
just to force that person’s love. Relax
4.
Be Less
Interested: The less interested you are, the more it could drive a person.
This also ties in with the “Need” part. Be ready to walk away in any given
matter. If you are less interested [before the relationship], you are willing
to get less hurt, more negotiable, and will have the power to have what you
want while guiding the relationship. If you’re needy, you will only end up with
what they will give you. Also, you have to create an outside circle by spending
less time away with your “crush”. Broaden your social scene to where it will
test your partner whether or not he/she will miss you when you’re away or will
draw him/her to you. Create some competition;
make them feel jealous and bit more desirous when they can see potential in you
from others around you. The purpose of this is to focus more on your self for a
while. Do things that interest you, and perhaps maybe that person will be
interested in you. Men, if you hang out with other women, get a sense of their
understanding for your understanding.
5.
The Touch
Barrier: At a young age, everyone should know how to respectfully touch
others. Know when and where to touch, and when and where to NOT touch. But in
the early adult-adult age, sometimes we can be terrified of touching the wrong
way to where it may be very uncomfortable.
Break the risk and touch places like the hands, hair, back, and avoid
“the awkward hug”. Be confident, be the first to break it, but avoid being too
sexual or too inappropriate. Until
you’re fully in the relationship or the chemistry is long established, THEN you
can do whatever you want. Parents teach your kids because the media is now
exposing the wrong ways.
6.
Go out on
a non-date: A date doesn’t always have to be romantic. Avoid moving too
fast to become romantic. You have to start off by going on simple dates to the
movies, non-fancy dinner, a hang out, Ice cream, or sushi. Invite them to a
non-romantic activity date to the park, city, boat, fishing etc.. Make the plan
to where it’s just you two only. Let this “non-date” date be about being your
self while enjoying the time together. It can really spark many motives within
this picture. Perhaps the longer it goes, the chemistry may broaden out. Be
grateful for what’s going on, be grateful to the other person, always show appreciation.
Don’t ignore the other person or make them feel awkward(Perhaps the touch
barrier may be broken just a tad bit). When you’re on your “non-date” date,
don’t rush things or get to intimate yet (Kissing, sex etc..) wait a far few
extra dates than the first one. This is where you must invite him/her to many
places, and also make flexible plans.
7.
Investing:
Let the other person invest in you rather than you invest in them. That’s what
my last point was slowly based on. Another way to put this is rather you doing
a favor for them, let them offer a favor as well. Perhaps give them a chance to
plan things. If they’ll invest in you, they’ll invest in the relationship to
continue. Some people will love to do favors for you.
Here are some other things about the friend zone that are
common but not always expressed. Ask yourself these questions below…
Have you ever left by someone’s side the
moment he/she is with someone new?
Do you often find yourself being
his/her “therapist” when they complain about their ex?
Has there ever been someone who was
either attracted to you, a potential partner, or another friend who was around
you that had the ideals of being your next boyfriend or girlfriend but you blew
them off?
Some of those things all relate to each other, and one way
to realize this is that we often forget about ourselves. We hate being rejected
or being in the friend zone but sometimes don’t’ realize we could be doing the
same thing on someone else ( hence how love is a cycle). The Friend Zone is
perhaps the one place you don’t like, but there are ways to avoid it. You must
focus on yourself first before you show interest in a potential person when
you’re already assuming it’s the right person. There are signs in which you can
be placed in the friend zone, but in order to not be in it, you must get
yourself out before you catch yourself in it. “I just want to be friends” is a
way of expressing that they don’t want to be more than friends. There will be
many excuses to why your crush doesn’t want to be with you. But never take it
the wrong way because it’s never the end of the world. The jealousy,
frustration, and struggle can be difficult. However, just realize that there is
always someone out there who is willing to accept your heart in every aspect.
My saying leads to this that if you’re ever experiencing the friend zone in any
shape or form, the foundation of a relationship should always start as a
friendship.
Twitter: @RonaldAtkinson9
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