Valentine's Day: Through My Eyes

Last year on my blog, I talked about ways that couples can plan ahead and fix delicious, themed meals. This year, I just want to talk about Valentine’s Day in general. Of course, I will be spending it with people who I love, with the community that I love. I will be in a production called “A Trip To Bountiful”. Long story short, go see it and get your tickets if you’re in the area.

First and foremost, what is Valentine’s Day? Well, it’s actually a Christian holiday that observes a martyr named, Saint Valentinius. Apparently, there are several martyrdom stories that exist around Saint Valentine, but some of the common stories include that he performed weddings to soldiers who were forbidden to marry, and was imprisoned. Before he was executed, he wrote a letter to his daughter that signed “Your Valentine” as a farewell. Of course, though it’s celebrated on the day of his death, many more stories circulated, and it wasn’t until the middle ages that Geoffrey Chaucer associated this day as a way to express courtly loved.

There are many people who are taken. There are many people who are single. Those people who are single understand that sometimes Valentine’s Day can be a useless holiday that doesn’t really mean anything. Often times, they would like to celebrate it as Single Awareness Day, in hopes to enjoy the day with their single friends. People who are in relationships would do the usual, cooking, dinner and movie date, buy flowers and other gifts to make them feel special.

Growing up, Valentine’s Day appeared to be that holiday in which we’re not taught the history and meaning behind it, but we’re always left to think that it’s the time of the year where we buy kid cards and cupcakes to pass out to our classmates. I only had one crush on a girl in my early elementary school days.

Middle School

Middle School comes along, and I found out how big it started to become. I remember that we did candy grams in school. My very first year, students who wanted to send valentine gifts to their loved ones, had the chance to go buy the gifts ahead of time around lunch time, and then it was saved so on Valentine’s Day, it came to the students in classrooms at random times. I also remember how big it was when I saw other people getting gifts such as a bouquet of flowers, big stuffed animals, gifts, and all sorts of candy. That’s when I realized how big it truly must be. I was single at the time, but I did do something. I wrote poetry at the time. I gave my “elementary school crush, a poem. Thought she’d like it.  Then came seventh grade, the year when I wasn’t interested in dating. Actually, yes I was. But Valentine’s Day, I really cared less. Eighth grade came, had a crush on another pretty young lady. This was the year that I went out of my way. I had bought her a ring, a card, and passed notes to her. I even wrote poetry about her, and even bought so many gifts for her. It was an interesting year. Did I ask her out? Yes. Did we go out? Not at all.

High School

Once high school came, Valentine’s Day wasn’t as huge as it was in middle and elementary school. Sure, everyone had gifts. We did candy grams as fundraisers, but something was still missing. The lack of energy, and love, is what was missing. I soon thought to myself, where’s the meaning of it all? Well as a high school student, this was the time period where love can be expressed in school, but we’re old enough to at least take our valentine on a date. Dinner, Movie, or anywhere special. I still remember my high school crush. If it was Valentine’s Day, what would we do? To be honest, I would give her many gifts, and even take her for a dinner. However, I was unable to have that sort of freedom, well for my first year. Anyways, I’m not going to write about my entire high school relationship career, but from the whole high school tenure perspective, I really thought to myself that Valentine’s Day isn’t always about gifts and dates. Sure, we show appreciation and love to one another, but sometimes, it takes more than one holiday to show your significant other, how much you really love and appreciate someone.

When I began college, nobody actually cared about it. Why? because you never seen it expressed out in public. Valentine’s Day for many couples appears to be a private matter. Some couples don’t take the time to celebrate the holiday itself, but to enjoy spending time with each other to enjoy each other’s presence. On Cyber Dust, it was brought up to a question, “What type of gifts do men like to receive for Valentine’s Day?” I thought about it, and I replied with a simple response. “The only gift I want for Valentine’s Day, is the love, appreciation, and happiness from my woman.”

Folks, This is perhaps my longest blog, but I want you to treat everyday as if it is Valentine’s Day. Love and Appreciate each other. That’s what makes Valentine’s Day, special. If you’re unable to celebrate it because  you’re single, distanced, or not romantic enough with fancy plans, just go out and enjoy something. It doesn’t have to be too big, but the enjoyment of each other’s company. Friends, that goes for you.

Be Romantic

o   Plan something for the two of you

o   Express your true love through poetry, music, or some sort of creative writing.

o   Buy gifts, but keep in mind, what’s the value and thought of those gifts? Where will they benefit in twenty years?

o   Enjoy a breakfast, lunch, or even both. It never has to be about dinner.

o   Always express what you mean to that person you’re dating, or with. Make it very meaningful, and always express the gratitude to each other.

For those who are single, or have broken up with their loved ones, don’t be peer pressured. Don’t get down in the dumps that you have to let a holiday ruin your mood. It’s all about what you’re most thankful for, whoever who’s made an impact in your life. Be thankful, and understand that down the road, there’s plenty of opportunities to go after.

I’m more of the Romantic type. Even though I’ll go out of my way of gifts, poems, and expression, I also have to realize that it’s not about that. Now I’m at the point to continue to be romantic, but I never forget the true gift on Valentine’s Day, is happiness, love, and thankfulness.

Ronald Atkinson

Sexual Bullying and STDs

Living in a sexualized society as a college student, I think it’s critical to know our every little move, every word we speak, and everyone who is around us. When I have spoken to a lot of anonymous college students, one of the issues that they had always faced was getting an STD due to having unprotected sex.  As I sat down talking about it with other students, I told them that sometimes, it’s not always “your” fault.

            There are over 65 million Americans who have an STD. Statistics show that one in six people have it and also not even know about it. My deal with this issue is, how can we comfort them? How can we crack down on issues such as these?

It’s tough if you live with an STD, especially if there isn’t a cure. People will go through questions such as

            How will I tell my partner, parents, and friends?

            What will my friends think?

            Is it treatable, and how much will it have to cost anything if it is?

Another question that people ask themselves is, will these symptoms be a cause of death?

            Speaking for the college students I have talked to, it’s never easy to talk to someone about having an STD. Many people actually avoid it at all cost, go out and have sex, and THEN tell their partner “Oh I have an STD”. Where does that leave the person who didn’t have one before the session? Scared. Ashamed. Lied to. Betrayed. Slut. All of those words are now written on their faces.

            It goes back to schools that fail to teach the young adults about the true facts of sex education. Yes, we teach about puberty in elementary school. We also teach about STD, AIDS, and HIV in Middle and High School. But it’s the action in between that we fail to teach. For example, the psychological and physicality of a person. The dangers of rape, and the sexualized society of the real world. That’s where it fails. And with the many struggles teenagers and young adults go through, it’s very important to have conversations like those.

           

            Many of the students who I’ve spoken to are afraid to come out of their shell. It’s never easy, and the worst case of it all, is that now they are dealing with rumors and words that are cutting deep within them, in which they have to face. Those words and wounds will never heal until an action is to be taken place. We have to be aware of people living with an STD for the rest of their lives. Too many of us are quick to play the name game in judging others, that we’re also cutting their wounds deeper. We already know what bullying can do, but we also need to know what sexual bullying can do. If you know anyone that’s dealing with having an STD, let them know that they’re still apart of a beautiful world. Sometimes, they’re afraid to speak it up, so we should always be there for them in the hard times they are facing.

My Tips:

Before having sex, ask that person their background, or tell them that you’ve had unprotected sex with someone before YOU KNEW you were positive. Its not easy, but better safe than sorry. If they do react, understand that it’s out of your control. Don’t be surprised if you get rejected, but hope that whoever your partner is, you can work things out.

Being Rejected: That’s the biggest reason why victims never want to tell their families and friends. ALWAYS find someone you know who cares about you, to help you out. Never cheat your way out of love and support. Because, the more you run away from love and support, the more you would want it. People will always see you when you’re at your weakest, so it will always be best to open up when they are there to help

Know that you’ll never lose your job because you have AIDS, HIV, or an STD, however, LET YOUR SUPERVISOR KNOW. It is much easier for you to let him/her know, so that you can make doctor’s appointments and fulfill other health issues. Supervisors, keep it 100% confidential.

Always take care of yourself. Know what the STD is and how it’s treatable. Know the symptoms. Even if you don’t show any signs, always research everything and how you  can/can’t transmit it to another partner.

USE PROTECTION, REGARDLESS!! Always use protection. Even if you know you aren’t showing any signs or symptoms, you need to better protect yourself. Especially if it’s with someone you don’t know their history with. They may not tell you that they have an STD, but it’s great to be smart first.

Consult Third Party Options. If you know you’re facing a difficult situation, please contact a support group. If there isn’t any support groups, start one with other people who are living with the same problems. Please contact

Last but not least, enjoy life. Now that you have found out if you’re positive, don’t think that your sex life is over. Yes, you will deal with the fact that you have an STD, but the good thing about is now that you are positive, you’re beginning to find purpose. You feel happier because you have more freedom and less pressure of anxiety. Always think POSITIVE thoughts and NEVER worry about what others say. If you’re comfortable about life and happy that your whole world isn’t shattered, you’re moving in the right direction.

 If someone is suffering, be there for them. Never joke about STD. If so, you’ll never know if you will become the next victim.

Ronald Atkinson

Bosses, Snakes, and CEOs of Business

Sometimes, we all have a tendency to sit back, watch, and judge others as people walk by.  I know in most cases, it’s never our job to judge others and criticize for what they do. But what about judging others for who they are? Imagine you’re working for a company in which you have been employed for over six years. Everyone around you seems to like what you’ve done for the company, so the more you move up into a higher position, the more they would love to work for you. Now, say it’s been seven years, and you’re still working for the same boss who employed you seven years ago. He has never complimented on your hard work and effort, but he’s always complimented on other people’s work. Does it throw you off just a tad bit?

             Perhaps you’re thinking of new ways to expand business, or you’re asking for a raise, so you begin to set up an appointment to try to go into his office to make negotiations. Sooner or later, you’re standing right outside the CEO’s office trying to negotiate with him. You knock on his door, and your boss opens it up. But as soon as he opens the door, he pokes his head out and looks left, right, and then towards you, but not at you.  

            “What can I do?” he says, walking back to his desk. Noticed how he never greeted you? No welcome. No Smile. But let’s proceed.

            You sit down in the chair located at the front of his desk and begin discussing about what you’re willing to negotiate with him about. You’re hoping he will acknowledge what you’re speaking, but instead, he cuts you off and claims that now is not the right time. Now stop right there. You’re calm, and you’re sitting down watching his every move and realize that he doesn’t want to be bothered by your presence. Your boss is acting as if he’s in a hurry to do other things, but you know his schedule says “Office hours” at the time you’re meeting with him. He’s antsy. He’s too busy going through stacks of files and papers on the desk. So then you start to wonder about the scenario, his words and actions, and his eye contact. Notice when you’re speaking to him, he doesn’t return any full eye contact but only once or twice for three seconds? The boss looks down at his desk and then gives his full attention to his computer. Once again he says, “Can we schedule this some other time, I’m expecting someone.”.

            You look around and you notice that nobody is even sitting outside of his door, so you also begin to think, why not give at least five minutes of your time to converse with me until that person shows up? Silently you’re thinking. You didn’t want to argue, so you respect his offer and walked out of his office. Hmmm…Something didn’t seem too right about this situation.

            The point I’m trying to make is this. In the business world, whether you are working for someone or with someone, you should always watch how people act in your presence. You should always read someone for their character and who they are. Sometimes, they are snakes. A snake is someone who is too much of a coward to own up to your potential, as well as their own potential. They are there to see you fail. They love giving others who aren’t in need, great opportunities. Getting rid of the common good people and replacing them with someone who offers a joyous friendship that lack the skills needed. What you also have to realize is this. When a snake is placed in a position of power, the snake’s venom can spread like wildfire. The first bad thing that happens is like the teeth sinking in the flesh. Once the venom shoots out, it spreads, and then more and more bad things will happen inside the business. 

            When you’re working with someone who might be a snake, don’t just watch their actions or hear what they speak, but look deeply into their eyes. Like reptile snakes that like to move around, human snakes are also the same way. When you catch them in their comfort zone, they get antsy. Now watch their eye contact. If they can’t seem to make eye contact with you, they are never to be trusted. In the business world, if you’re willing to attract others around you and gain good partners with someone, ALWAYS make eye contact. You can tell a lot by someone who uses eye contact. If you’re engaging in them, but they don’t engage in return, something’s fishy.

@RonaldAtkinson9

Jumping into conclusions of Relationships and Break-ups

            I remember back in my teenage years where I had a crush on a female, or perhaps females, since I had more than one crush during the time period, and I thought to myself, will I ever have a chance with her? I always thought I would pull it off, slowly but surely. Getting to know them, writing notes, and engage personally. However, in those years, you had to get inside of their mind. You had to study their actions within the school, outside the school and even who they would hang out with. In those days, there wasn’t social media. Sure there was Windows Live, Bebo, Xanga, Flickr, Yahoo Messenger and MSN, but we rarely ever saw their “Personal life” on the internet. A lot of the time, it would be Just photos, thoughts and interests. Before Facebook came out, there was MySpace. I wasn’t even allowed to have a MySpace page, but I snuck and got one anyway. However, with MySpace, you would see so much. It was like entering in the world of a person’s diary. Statuses, Pictures, Conversations, and even their mood. 

            At one point of time, I had a crush on a girl name Kaitlyn. If I was ever on MySpace, I would often find myself scrolling down my message feed and out of nowhere, I would see Kaitlyn constantly change her mood from hopeful to heart-broken. From heart-broken, to worried. Then, I would see her write statuses such as, “How can you crush a girl’s heart that is so delicate?”. When I saw that, I knew for fact that she was having relationship issues. So what did I do? I messaged her. I asked “Are you doing alright? Are you okay?”. She would write back in a message so vague “I’m doing fine, thank you. How are you?”. So when I saw that, I was like, “I understand that you’re having relationship issues, but just to let you know, I’m already here if you need anything.” Then, she would write back saying “Thanks!”

            Usually, our conversations were extremely vague. She wouldn’t open up to anyone (Me), unless it was her close friends. But I can tell you where my mistake came from. A week before this whole issue, I had written her a note saying how talented, beautiful and how nice she was as a person. Then, I went into writing about asking her to the homecoming dance. I gave her the note the night of a Friday night football game. Never heard from her until the next day and I can tell she had shared it to her friends. Anyway, she wrote back saying “It was nice. But I’m already going to the dance with Alex.”

            I wasn’t too heartbroken, but as that week went on, I just kept seeing relationship drama all on my MySpace. Not drama as in arguing, but drama as in depressing statuses. So here I am thinking to myself, “HELLO!!! DO YOU NOT SEE ME?” I was trying hard to win her love, but to win her sense of connection and understanding. Anyways, the relationship had ended. I said YES!!! Now is my chance. Come to find out, it was an off and on relationship type deal. That’s when I said….”Screw it. I’m moving on”. Eventually, as time has moved forward, I began to realize many lessons in the “Relationship World”. Even with crushes after Kaitlyn, I still had the problem of jumping into conclusion after a break-up happens.

            One of the things we forget about is Time. When a break-up happens, that person needs time to heal. We can’t just think that once a break-up happens, doesn’t mean they have not healed from a broken heart. Especially, if it was a relationship that lasted at least 3 years.

            Two, Keep Life and Social Media separate from the truth. Just because two people are going out, doesn’t mean they HAVE to show their relationship to the public. Yes it’s nice to let people know that they’re in a relationship, but to have a million statuses about their partner and pictures could sometimes go overboard. With that in mind, we also assume that just because couples doesn’t have their profile pictures set to where their partners aren’t in it, doesn’t mean they are single. Just because their relationship status isn’t “Facebook Official” doesn’t mean that the person is single too. We have to agree that couples do things differently and sometimes they don’t want to bother about putting too much personal relationship business on the web for people to see.  We can’t based are assumptions over social media. There are numerous people that I know who have been in great relationships, but choose not to expose it over the web.

            Three, going back to when I said the person needs to heal, we have to understand that we don’t know how the last person has effected their personal life.  Sometimes when we fall for someone, we forget how much THEIR ex has made an impact on their life. Usually past relationships can create an impact whether you want to build from it, or break away. Nowadays, if I ever have a crush on someone who is in a relationship, and I had found out that they went through a break-up, my job would to not jump in and get a chance, but rather let them reevaluate their past relationship. Why didn’t it work? Is it too late to fix it? Because, their focus is to figure out what they know was right for them. Can they move forward, or will they give up? Perhaps they potentially saw a marriage happening. You just never know what thoughts are going through their mind after a break-up. Personally, I think one of the biggest fears when falling for someone is, if you do get a chance of becoming the NEXT person in line, will they still love their ex? And quite frankly, my job isn’t about being the next guy in line, but to simply make sure that the female will never give up on Life, Love and herself. Even if I was to be her “Next”, I think things from the past and present will conflict a lot of emotions.

 Ronald Atkinson